Bandages look better than scars

I have been thinking a lot about victimization and the right to complain. Tightly coiling both those topics together is the right to be human and to exist. In a poem I put up on my Instagram story a few weeks ago titled: Basic Human Decency; I talk about how certain things that are supposed to be a given in our society aren’t. Basic things like respect and love and something as simple as recognition.

With that in mind, I recognize that we’re living in a society that heavily puts attention to each other’s faults and on areas that we may not have been paying attention to before. Along with that heavy load of information that we should not complain about but rather commit to educating ourselves one social issue at a time, there are so many people choosing to hold on to their shortcomings and misfortunes for dear life. Something like someone not recognizing you and who you are, that they or something hurt you, though it is a hurtful thing that shouldn’t be happening but it is not a criminal offense.

The purpose of holding people accountable for their actions and words then letting it go is not to make them feel like they owe you their lives from this point onwards and should be apologizing for it for the rest of it. No, it’s for you. You allow yourself to recognize that you were not in the wrong for this situation and that gives you the freedom to let it go and move on with your life and be the baddie you are!

Instead, what I see happening everywhere is when someone offends us, instead of holding them accountable and giving them a chance to reeducate and apologize. We criminalize the act and in turn victimize ourselves. Now, let me narrow it down for you.

The title of this blog post is bandages look better that scars. Why? Because the presence of a scar indicates that the healing process is complete. We can move on from the situation. I don’t have to dress the wound every day or warn people not to hold that part of my body too tightly because it doesn’t hurt anymore. Bandages on the other hand, mean we’re still bleeding, still hurting. When these two analogies are put side to side, we’re quick to say surely no one wants to be hurting forever. However, which parts of our lives are we still protecting like they still hurt? Where is it that we’re not allowing ourselves to heal?

The thing about a wound is that you and the people around you are forced to take care of it. Everyone has to be aware of it. So now we can say anything about puppies ever because yours died a few years ago. No one is allowed to bring up relationships, or cheating in your presence because you’re still bitter about your own situation. When really, all you need to do is move TF on.

I feel like we all think that the act of moving on presents an opportunity for the perpetrator to forget what they did. Or for you, the individual, to suddenly become irrelevant. But honestly why is that any of your concern? It sounds insensitive but the pain you keep forcing yourself and everyone to acknowledge is holding you back not them. We feel like if I don’t have a sob story to present then do I even matter? We become so desperate for validation and attention that we keep poking at our own wounds so that we keep bleeding. STOP THAT SHIT AND MOVE ON!  We need to stop finding identity in our tragedies and finding it in the overcoming of said tragedies. It really doesn’t matter the situation.

Continue holding people accountable for the things they do but let’s not allow what they do to cripple us.

Our society will continue being as sad and as depressed as it is right now because we’re holding on to our pain and our traumas like oxygen tanks. Believe me, the air is much better outside. Let us normalize moving on from traumatic events and situations.

And allow me to clarify something: I said move on, I didn’t say ignore or forget. Earlier I said that everyone should be held accountable because that is very integral part of moving on. Too many of us however, stop there. Our lives becoming this never ending blaming game with us the victims of all these crimes. That is a very paralyzing position to be in.

Once you acknowledge that something hurts – that is the step of realizing you are wounded. Next is allowing yourself to hurt (crying, allowing the grieving process to occur) – synonymous to allowing your wound to bleed by wrapping it up in a bandage. During this time, you may need to change the bandage a couple times and dress the wound. After some time, and it is important that we recognize that this time has to come, we must remove the bandage. The wound has healed.  The offense is gone.

What may remain is a scar and here’s the thing about scars. Sometimes people ask about them. That’s your opportunity to tell your story. And if they don’t you could offer to tell it “Hey did I ever tell you how I got this scar on my forearm.” Tell the story, laugh about it, let it go.

Yes, bandages may appear to be better than scars but scars feel a whole lot better than a bleeding wound!