Existing when you don't feel like it

 

The Bilayer Of Existing = something that has two significant sides to it. The title tells us that the poem is mostly to speak about the two sides of life: The land of the living and the land of the dead.

Stanza 1 - Introduces the idea of illusion. how someone who might look okay and shows no physical signs of being sad or depressed might actually be going through a lot. You can't hear them cry but that doesn't mean they are not sad or troubled inside. They might not see a reason to live at all even if they seem to be doing well on the outside.

Stanza 2 - the last line of the first stanza introduces the idea of suicide or an attempt at it. This stanza defines the attempt as having failed. As somewhat of a spiritual person I believe in the power of words and prayer. So at a previous point in ones life you could have prayed for protection or mercy from God to save your life not actually knowing when those words would come into play. At the time of wishing you would die, God remembers that you once prayed that he have mercy on your soul even if you didn't carry this apathy in your heart at the time, here those words and prayers that you sent out into the universe are saving your life and this can be frustrating when you have no will to live any more.

Stanza 3 - The reflection on prayer made me realize how much I had changed. How my mindset had changed and how desperately wanted to go back to that girl who knew there was so much to live for, but I couldn't. 

Stanza 4- This part connects to the last line of stanza 3 that speaks about crying, by setting up a powerful image of someone who's cried so much they've filled a bath tub full of their tears. Sitting there in the pool of their tears, indicating the immense pain they are in. This pain becomes a doorway into their deepest desires and fears. Their biggest desire being to live a life without pain, and the only way to live painlessly is to die. Which is in itself a huge fear. Because (going back to the religious aspects of the poem) I obviously believe In God, which means I believed in and feared going to hell. However, I had come to resolution within myself in the last line of the poem. After going in and out of my thoughts, I had overcome my fear of going to hell. 

A resolution that shows that the fear of death had been overcome. Does that mean I'd prefer hell over this life? And if so, then why choose the unknown when i could just brave the storm that I have already faced and conquer it too.